I woke up in a suck butt kinda mood but it is hump day so that is to be expected right? Work got on my last nerve today. I am so ready for a vacation.
Today NC was a rainy mess. I CANNOT wait until this whole transition situation is over. My head was looking a HAM. I did workout today and let's just say the blow out I got on Saturday is a complete memory. But it's all good, I am going to do flex rod sets from here on out.
I feel so fortunate to have my mom and Deidre on this walk with me. I know for a fact they are not going to let me fall. Anyhow, I guess I didn't realize how much of a spiritual and emotional journey this was going to be. Well, I mean I knew there was going to be some inner turmoil but I guess I just didn't realize how much I was going to have to get to know myself, my real self. As I mentioned before I am a teacher but what I failed to mention is I am THE ONLY black adult at the school and there are only 3 black children in the whole school (2 girls & 1 boy). One of the little girls has her natural hair and she looks so freakin cute. I told her today to never ever change her hair for anyone for any reason. She looked at me with those big brown eyes and smiled. I was like "I am serious". I hope that she listens to me. I wish that someone would have told me that.
I have so many what-ifs in my head. You know like what if I would have never got that relaxer after I took my braids out 8-9 years ago? What if my mom would have been firm in her NO when I asked to get a relaxer when I started high school? She said no like the first 300 times but I guess she just gave up when I asked on that 301st time.
I could sit her all day and "what if" myself into depression but I won't. I am not going to lie, it is hard not to dwell on the past. However, as some wise person once said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." and I do not want that to happen-again (who said that anyway???). I am just praying for internal strength to get through this journey and all of the while I am really going to get to know my real self and try and understand why I thought black wasn't beautiful the way God gave it to me.
